i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
