So drunk its hurt
wanna go halves on a baby?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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