The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
