this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
