My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
