my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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