But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
