Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
