I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize