I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
