I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
