smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
