I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
