I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ugly people sure do ruin things
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
