While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize