I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
