I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
