My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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