so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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