So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
