My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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