How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize