i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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