I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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