My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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