she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize