the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
