yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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