I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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