I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
