At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
