matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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