TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Randomize
