Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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