Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
