i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
