you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
