I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
