My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
