I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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