But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
