I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
