So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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