i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
