Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
