I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
