i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
