a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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