dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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