Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
