the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
