Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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