Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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