the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
