I wish I could punch you in the face.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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