they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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