I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
