I am puke
You can't motorboat a personality
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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