No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
