Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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