This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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