my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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