So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
