Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
