Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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