My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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