I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
