Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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