Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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