She's JV to your varsity
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
